Crisis averted?

It's been one existential crisis after another for me the past couple days, I could not even tell you why. First off, I ran into a friend from high school at the mall on Saturday. Wait. Take this in. I graduated from high school in Oregon in 1998...so, all the way across the country and 12 years ago. And then here it was, Saturday at Tysons Corner, and I heard my name, turned around, and saw my friend. From high school. In Oregon. 12 years ago. Weird, right? It was surreal, and my head's still spinning.

And then there was the matter of the ants. It's Saturday night, I'm going to the kitchen to fill up my water glass, when I notice some movement out of the corner of my eye. I do sort of a slow double take and manage to focus on the SWARMS of ants all over the Bossy Cat's food bowl. You know, I like to think of myself as pretty even-keeled, good in a crisis, quick on my feet, but this? This floored me and brought me to a complete halt, and honestly, if it hadn't been for CameraMan, I might have stood there rocking and keening all night long. Luckily, CM is actually even-keeled, good in a crisis, and quick on his feet. He was out the door to buy ant poison and ant traps before I had the chance to break down, and then he was back, and we were spraying the ants dead (oh, yes, ants have feelings too, but I don't care—I'm crazy bloodthirsty like that) and laying the traps all along their trail, and I was finally able to calm down. And there's been no sign of them since, no brave ones, no stragglers, no ants of any kind, and I'm just now quelling the feeling of being attacked in our own home. Is there anything worse than insects in your house? I can't think of much—tell me, is there anything worse?

Of course I had a lovely day yesterday—mood swings are tricky like that, you know? The lowest low is often followed by the highest high, or barring that, at the very least a lovely day.

But today was the other swing of the pendulum, and all of a sudden I was feeling OLD. I know, I know, I'm only 28, but it's just now dawning on me that I'm not the youngest anymore. For years, for practically my whole life, I was younger than everyone I knew. Younger can be embarrassing, but it's also a source of pride, as you arrive at milestones before everybody else. But now, "pushing" 30, there are very few milestones I could find that haven't been reached by other people I know, some of them my age, some of them even younger. And I miss being the youngest, being precocious or ahead of the game. I'm still on track, I think, but I'm not ahead of the pack. CM says this happens to everyone, that at some point you look around and realize you aren't moving forward in leaps and bounds; you're just doing what you do, and living your life, and just happy to be doing it well. I think I can get used to that, but it's still a shock to realize that as I take the next steps in my life, I wouldn't be a particularly young director, or an especially young bride, or a surprisingly young mother. I would just be me, doing what I do, living my life, and trying to do it well.

Without much happening, it's managed to be an eventful couple days. I've given it quite a bit of thought, and I've decided the best thing to do is to chalk it all up to hormonal shifts of some kind.

After all, I am pushing 30.

6 comments:

  1. Wow... small world, isn't it? Was the unexpected reunion good?

    Ugh - ants! We had the same problem at my apartment. They came out of nowhere and tried to take over the sink. We Raid'ed 'em and haven't seen any since. But yuck, I agree. I hate insects in my house... I deal with them when I'm in nature - their home. But my home should be insect- (and especially spider-) free.

    I hear ya on the feeling old thing, and I'm a year older than you. I swear I didn't pay attention after I turned 25 and then, suddenly, I'm 29. My how time flies, right? And this summer, I'm surrounded by kids who are still in college, just graduated college, etc. I was definitely the OLDEST in the room, and that was weird.

    I don't think how you're feeling is unexpected. You're closing, in a sense, a big chapter of your life, and heading into a new one. Its a big change. And with it comes thoughts, questions, etc.

    Perfectly normal and rational, I think.

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  2. You are pushing 30, I am pushing 70. Or 80. So what. Ants don't like lemon juice.
    Who is the HS friend?

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  3. For the ants, lay coffee grounds around, it stops them being able to scent. Worked for me in Santa fe. For the aging: I recommend some Strauss.... Die zeit die ist .... And All that....

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  4. As a dear friend reminded me yesterday - wasn't it bound to hit home at some point? What you're doing is huge, and you're navigating it with such grace and energy. Expect sloppy tears at some point - you have earned them. Maybe those ants are a blessing :)

    dkz

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  5. rosejean goddardJune 1, 2010 at 9:37 PM

    My darling blogger LMB:
    You have no idea how as soon as I go online, I race to see if LMB has a new blog! And I'm so thrilled when I find a new day's Louisaisms.
    This last one has had me guffawing and chortlng endlessly. I especially like the rays of sun coming in from CM's thoughts and attitudes. And I did have to laugh out loud, when you wrote about "getting old" (tho I see how you feel). At my tender age of 86, I see life as a long trail, and I'm definitely in the upper reaches of the journey. I love your ability to express how the trail looks from where you are, and I'm thoroughly delighted and enhanced by your comments! Love you, Grandma Bossy

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  6. For me, having a sweet hunter of a kitty bring a love offering into the house, lay it ast my feet and then letting that love offering take flight. HATE live birds in the house!

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